What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
