yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
