i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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