ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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