it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
