haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
