I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
