Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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