i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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