Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
