I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
