He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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