Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
