Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
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