White coat. Heels.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
