i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
True strength comes from lack of pants
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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