bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
