Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
