I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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