did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
