I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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