At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
