I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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