Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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