I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
