yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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