Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
