yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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