meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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