hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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