I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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