i jhust puked up my retainher.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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