hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize