he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
