love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
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I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
