I seem to have left my pride at pride
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
