i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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