shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
