Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
