My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The Olympian is in my bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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