Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
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CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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