dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
