I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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