i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
