So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
