hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
