Im at strip club and am horny
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
