p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
