It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
