I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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