Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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