So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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