dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
