Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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