When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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