Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
