I just pynch a tree in the face
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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