Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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