You're my little dorito
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
