I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
