when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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