I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
