its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
