Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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