just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
