I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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