I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
