i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
