I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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