I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
