I got her a Nickelback box set.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
