My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
