Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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