At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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