just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
