Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
