I skipped work to stalk him.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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