If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
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Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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