i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
